Just a little humor

G: My buddy put an ad in the personals that said, "wife wanted."He got over 100 responses, each of which said, "You can have mine."

H: Lucky for me I married miss wright. I just didn't know her first name was Always. She's a beautiful woman. She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

G: I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; she doesn't like me to interrupt. Actually my wife & I were happy for 18 years. Then we met.

H: I take my wife everywhere, but she always finds her way home again.
 
"I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes." President Richard Nixon, commenting on the oval office audio recordings that document Nixon's Watergate burglary cover-up
 
YOGI BERRA'S TOP 35 QUOTES:
1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
2. “It’s deja vu all over again.”
3. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
4. “Never answer an anonymous letter.”
5. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
6. “You can observe a lot by watching.”
7. “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
8. “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”
9. “It gets late early out here.”
10. “If the people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them.”
11. “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
12. “Pair up in threes.”
13. “Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.”
14. “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
15. “All pitchers are liars or crybabies.”
16. “A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”
17. “Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.”
18. “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”
19. “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”
20. “I can see how he (Sandy Koufax) won 25 games. What I don’t understand is how he lost five.”
Modal Trigger
Joe DiMaggio and Yogi Berra in 1955.
21. “I don’t know (if they were men or women fans running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads.”
22. “I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.”
23. “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”
24. “In baseball, you don’t know nothing.”
25. “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
26. “I never said most of the things I said.”
27. “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
28. “I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”
29. “I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I’d never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.”
30. “So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.”
31. “Take it with a grin of salt.”
32. (On the 1973 Mets) “We were overwhelming underdogs.”
33. “The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”
34. “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
35. “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
(Sources: Los Angeles Times, Baseball Almanac, Baseball Digest, Catcher in the Wry (Bob Uecker), Sports Illustrated)

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YOGI BERRA
1. “It ain’t over till it’s over.” #566
Didn't know that was Yogi.
2. “It’s deja vu all over again.”
Knew that was Yogi.
14. “Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
One of my faves Yogi. And
"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." Yogi Berra -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."
😵‍💫
 
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