Just a little humor

[Shiftless2]

Pretty sure I've posted this before but too lazy to go back and check

A Wife came Home early and found her Husband in their Bedroom making love to a very Attractive Young Woman. She was very Upset.

"You are a Disrespectful Pig!" she Cried.

"How dare you do this to me – a Faithful Wife, the Mother of your Children! I'm Leaving you. I want a Divorce, NOW!"

The Husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a Minute Love. At least let me tell you what Happened."

"Fine, go ahead", the Wife Sobbed, "but they will be the last Words you say to me!"

The Husband Began:

"Well, as I was getting into the Car at Work to drive Home, this Young Lady here asked me for a Lift. She looked so Distressed, Helpless and Defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the Car."

"She was very Thin, not well Dressed and very Dirty and told me that she hadn't Eaten for Three Days."

"Out of Compassion, I brought her Home and Warmed up the Pizza I made for you last Night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on Weight. The Poor thing Ate it, Ravenously."

"She was Dirty. I suggested she have a Shower. While Showering, I noticed her Clothes were Filthy and Threadbare. I threw them away."

"I gave her the Designer Jeans that you’ve had for a Few Years, but don’t Wear because you say they are too Tight."

"I gave her Underwear, your Anniversary Present from me, which you don’t Wear because you said I don't have Good Taste."

"I gave her the Sexy Blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t Wear just to annoy her. "

"I also donated those Boots you bought at an expensive Boutique but don’t Wear because someone at Work has the same Pair."

The Husband Paused, took a quick Breath and continued:

"She was so Grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the Door, she turned to me with Tears in her Eyes and said, “Please Sir... Do you have anything else that your Wife doesn’t use?”"

 

[sear]

Actor Gary Busey says the battle between the sexes is the only one where you get to sleep with the enemy.


A stockman from the outback was staying at an hotel in Sydney for three days rest. He got talking to the barmaid and, after a while,suggested that she spend the night with him for $100.
She thought about it for a while and said, "Why not?, I really need the money". So after she finished work, off they went.
This went on all that night, and for the next two nights as well. She'd stay the night and he'd give her $100. As the stockman was having a quick beer before returning to the outback, the barmaid said, "I haven't even asked you where you come from?".
The stockman replied, "I'm from Cunnamulla". The bar maid said, "I've got a brother who lives there. His name is John. E.Gruntcakes, do you know him?"
The stockman answered, "Of course I know him. He's the one that asked me to give you the $300".

booo

 

[sear]

I'm so crooked, if I sore over a crowd, my wings would look like this.