Ogden Nash said candy’s dandy, but liquor’s quicker.
Bruce said vice is nice, but incest is best.
I'm entirely with Ogden on this one.
I'm from New York, not Alabama.
My sisters are two-baggers.
Just a little humor
- Thread starter Shiftless2
- Start date
Bruce said vice is nice, but incest is best.
I'm entirely with Ogden on this one.
I'm from New York, not Alabama.
My sisters are two-baggers.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Incest is family togethernes.
Two cannibals picnicking on a beach.
One turns to the other and blurts out: "I HATE my mother-in-law!"
The other cannibal appeases his companion: "Alright, alright, so only eat the salad."
I love my mother, especially with a dash of coriander?
One turns to the other and blurts out: "I HATE my mother-in-law!"
The other cannibal appeases his companion: "Alright, alright, so only eat the salad."
Like matricide cannibalism?
I love my mother, especially with a dash of coriander?
Shiftless2
Well-known member
MOM !
DAD !
They put the "pal" in palindrome.
Emo Philips recounts the modest joys of his childhood, like the first snow of each new Winter.
Emo would awaken, see the fresh snow blanketing the landscape, sprint to the front door, and pounding his little fists on the door in his childhood excitement exclaim:
Mommy! Daddy! It snowed last night! It snowed last night! Please, let me in now !
Oh Emo !
DAD !
They put the "pal" in palindrome.
Emo Philips recounts the modest joys of his childhood, like the first snow of each new Winter.
Emo would awaken, see the fresh snow blanketing the landscape, sprint to the front door, and pounding his little fists on the door in his childhood excitement exclaim:
Mommy! Daddy! It snowed last night! It snowed last night! Please, let me in now !
Oh Emo !
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Donald Trump had been assured the trip to “Lake America” would be magnificent.
“The biggest lake,” he announced, lowering himself into a bright red inflatable ring. “Possibly the greatest lake in history. People are saying Canada should have given it to us years ago.”
A Canadian Mountie stood on the shore, hands politely folded.
Trump began paddling with his feet.
“Beautiful country you’ve got here,” he shouted. “Once we rename it.”
The Mountie nodded.
“Very kind of you, sir.”
Trump drifted further downstream.
“I’m thinking Canada becomes North America Two. Or maybe Trumpada. We’ll work something out.”
“Excellent, sir.”
The water started moving faster.
Trump frowned.
“Strong current.”
“Indeed, sir.”
“Is Lake America much farther?”
The Mountie glanced downstream at several billion litres of water disappearing over Niagara Falls.
“No, sir. Straight ahead.”
Trump smiled.
“Knew it.”
The roar grew louder.
Trump began spinning slowly in the inflatable ring.
“You know, Canada really should improve these roads.”
“That’s a river, sir.”
“Fake news.”
The Mountie nodded.
“Of course.”
Trump was now about fifty metres from the edge.
He pointed triumphantly downstream.
“I can see it! Lake America!”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is there parking?”
“Plenty at the bottom.”
Trump gave him a thumbs-up.
“Fantastic. Tell Carney I’ll negotiate when I get back.”
The Mountie removed his hat.
“I’ll certainly pass that along, sir.”
Ten seconds later:
“WAIT, WHY IS THE LAKE GOING DOWN?”
The Mountie smiled.
“Gravity, sir.”
“CAN WE PUT A TARIFF ON GRAVITY?”
And somewhere downstream, Canada quietly enjoyed the most productive trade negotiation in its history.
SOURCE with comments
“The biggest lake,” he announced, lowering himself into a bright red inflatable ring. “Possibly the greatest lake in history. People are saying Canada should have given it to us years ago.”
A Canadian Mountie stood on the shore, hands politely folded.
Trump began paddling with his feet.
“Beautiful country you’ve got here,” he shouted. “Once we rename it.”
The Mountie nodded.
“Very kind of you, sir.”
Trump drifted further downstream.
“I’m thinking Canada becomes North America Two. Or maybe Trumpada. We’ll work something out.”
“Excellent, sir.”
The water started moving faster.
Trump frowned.
“Strong current.”
“Indeed, sir.”
“Is Lake America much farther?”
The Mountie glanced downstream at several billion litres of water disappearing over Niagara Falls.
“No, sir. Straight ahead.”
Trump smiled.
“Knew it.”
The roar grew louder.
Trump began spinning slowly in the inflatable ring.
“You know, Canada really should improve these roads.”
“That’s a river, sir.”
“Fake news.”
The Mountie nodded.
“Of course.”
Trump was now about fifty metres from the edge.
He pointed triumphantly downstream.
“I can see it! Lake America!”
“Yes, sir.”
“Is there parking?”
“Plenty at the bottom.”
Trump gave him a thumbs-up.
“Fantastic. Tell Carney I’ll negotiate when I get back.”
The Mountie removed his hat.
“I’ll certainly pass that along, sir.”
Ten seconds later:
“WAIT, WHY IS THE LAKE GOING DOWN?”
The Mountie smiled.
“Gravity, sir.”
“CAN WE PUT A TARIFF ON GRAVITY?”
And somewhere downstream, Canada quietly enjoyed the most productive trade negotiation in its history.
SOURCE with comments
Gotta admit, Trump looks quite fashionable in that Qatari inner-tube.
This is a link to a list of those that went over Niagara Falls, several listed as survivors.
- reminds me ... -
President Clinton arrives in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas.
He steps off the plane, carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the marine guard salutes him sharply.
The President smiles and says, "I'd like to salute you back son, but as you can see, my hands are full."
"Yes,sir!" says the marine. "Mighty fine pigs, sir!"
Clinton replies, "These aren't pigs, son; they're pure Arkansas razorbacks."
"Yes, sir!" says the marine. "Mighty fine razorbacks, sir!"
Clinton says, "I got one for Hilary and one for Chelsea."
"Yes, sir!" the marine says again. "Good trade, sir!"
Kimmel nicknames Trump Vladimir Gluten, Benito Gasolini.S2 #1,609
Why not the slouchback of bloatradame?
ps
sears, #1,608, you have submerged victorious. Take a bow.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Weak coffee ?!
- d'oh ! -
Shiftless2
Well-known member
If it's American coffee, the answer is yes.
In a prior life I worked for a Swiss company and the first time I went to Zurich I remember people in the company cafeteria putting a mug under the coffee machine spout and hitting the espresso button until the mug was full.
For that matter I remember flying out of LA and getting a coffee out of the machine (one of the wonderful ones where you could select exactly what you wanted) and I thought it was great. My colleague had gotten his coffee immediately before me and said something about the coffee being too strong - that's when I pointed out to him that there was a separate button for "Cafe Americano" (i.e., weak coffee). And I do remember flying out of Miami and asking for a coffee - the stewardess said "No problem but this plane just came in from South America and we only have Latin American coffee in the galley" - it was great.
In a Gunsmoke episode instead of Marshall Dillon whining about the coffee prepared by his sidekick Chester,
Dillon said: If you make it any stronger I'll have to deputize it.
I call Gunsmoke a comedy western.
One character suggested: can't we just sit down, have some coffee, and talk this over?
The reply: I don't see why not. I just made a fresh pot yesterday. - ha -