Y E A H !!
Just a little humor
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Shiftless2
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Shiftless2
Well-known member
Italian Altar Boy Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say.".
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell.""Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say.".
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell.""Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
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Not sure whether that's missing an I
Italian,
or a b
taliban.
Just one more of those mysteries to keep an old man lying awake at night.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Corrected
"Italian"!
That would have been my 3rd guess!
Shiftless2
Well-known member
A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
Q: Why is it so difficult for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: Such men already have boyfriends.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
A: Such men already have boyfriends.
Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young.
So he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ... but they kind of taste like peppermint.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn't go on; it was time to stand up and speak, or forever your hold peace.
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking slowly toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom.The groom's mother fainted. The bridal train scooted towards the door. The groomsmen huddled together like a bereaved flock, wondering how best to save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear from the back."
LESSON: Hold judgment until you've got all the facts. Many time
I know this wasn't originally intended as a joke but figured it fit here anyways
The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking slowly toward the pastor. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom.The groom's mother fainted. The bridal train scooted towards the door. The groomsmen huddled together like a bereaved flock, wondering how best to save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
The woman replied, "I can't hear from the back."
LESSON: Hold judgment until you've got all the facts. Many time
I know this wasn't originally intended as a joke but figured it fit here anyways
That's going to keep me puzzled for a while.
Is it a story about a father-in-law hearing-aid salesman that eclipsed the $10,000.oo sales commission threshold for the year on his daughter's wedding day, at her wedding?
- nope -
I'm goin' with it's a joke (even if inspired by actual events inside the trailer park).
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Dave seems to be missing something - two holes haven't been screwed??
Well spotted S2.
Seems to me "Dave" is playing the victim card, instead of fixing it.
It's the guy's ("Dave" is a guy?) responsibility to insure "she" enjoys it enough to return for more, of her own volition.
Dave! Bud-A!
When you fail that fundamental obligation, you'll be doing without.
Your entire presentation oozes incompetence. What does a public bench have to do with her libido?
And if the tiny half-screwed plaque is an indication, "she" isn't missing much. And Dave, the two screws should be diagonally opposite, indicating your incompetence is not limited to horizontal aspirations.
Grow a
Dave.ref on taking responsibility:
Erhard Seminars Training (EST)
Organization founded by Werner Erhard in 1971
Erhard Seminars Training (marketed as est, though often encountered as EST or Est) was an organization founded by Werner Erhard in 1971 that offered a two-weekend (6-day, 60-hour) course known officially as "The est Standard Training". The purpose of the training is to help one to recognize that the situations, which seem to be holding them back in life, are working themselves out within the process of life itself. The seminar aimed to "transform one's ability to experience living so that the situations one had been trying to change or had been putting up with clear up just in the process of life itself".More from Wikipedia
PS pending
PS
patient:
"DOC!
My tallywhacker turned bright orange doc! What am I gunna do?!"
Doc:
"Could indicate a pre-cancerous condition. When did you first notice this?"
patient:
"Right after my wife left me doc."
Doc:
"What have you been doing since your wife left?"
patient:
"Nothing special doc, just watching porn & eating Cheetos."
patient:
"DOC!
My tallywhacker turned bright orange doc! What am I gunna do?!"
Doc:
"Could indicate a pre-cancerous condition. When did you first notice this?"
patient:
"Right after my wife left me doc."
Doc:
"What have you been doing since your wife left?"
patient:
"Nothing special doc, just watching porn & eating Cheetos."
