Just a little humor

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On that topic

 

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Besides, everyone knows that if the package isn't resealable it is a single serving.

 

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Too late - they've already made a movie about brain damaged inbred families.

 

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#806

A woman without her man, is nothing.

A woman, without her, man is nothing.

“There is no longer a nuclear threat from North Korea.” President Trump 2018, after his poorly prepared summit w/ NK/KJU

 

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“There is no longer a nuclear threat from North Korea.” President Trump 2018, after his poorly prepared summit w/ NK/KJU

 

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#809

Should have asked him: "Where does it hurt?"

Oscar Wilde said the penalty for bigamy is two wives.

 

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An oldie

 

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give someone you love? You know… the one that’s red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes. That’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

 

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Winning joke​

The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke#cite_note-3"><span>[</span>3<span>]</span></a> was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke#cite_note-4"><span>[</span>4<span>]</span></a>

World's funniest joke - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

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It's even funnier when you know what they're trying to say

 

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The 92-year old farmer came to the doctor to get his half-yearly test results.

The docter said, “Well, given your age, I think you are doing very well, indeed. Come back in 6 months for the next check-up. By the way, do you have any questions?”

The farmer answered, “No, Doc, but I have an announcement. I am getting married again!”

The doctor said, “Well, congratulations! Do I know the bride?”

“No Doc,” the farmer answered, “but she is the most beautiful 24-year old you have ever seen.”

“Oh, Oh”, thought the doctor, “the stupid old fool. Maybe I should give him a bit of a hint” and the doctor said, “Well, you are very busy on that farm of yours. Why don’t you hire a young and strong farm-hand to keep your wife company?”

“Mmmmhhh”, said the farmer, “I think that is an excellent idea, doc! I will follow up on your suggestion.”

Six months later the farmer was back for his check-up and, as usual, all was fine given his age.

“Any questions?”, asked the doctor.

“No, doc.” said the farmer, “But I have an announcement! My wife is pregnant!!!”

“Oh … Oh,” thought the doctor, “the old fool!”

Trying to get some realism into the farmers mind the doctor asked:” And how is the farm hand?”

The farmer replied “Oh, she’s pregnant too.”

 

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"The 92-year old farmer came ... “Oh, she’s pregnant too.”" #817

"It's even funnier when you know what they're trying to say" S2 #816

I could only hazard a vague guess.

"Who will life to escaping?" #816

Sigourney Weaver / Ripley > Alien ?

Not even sure what dialect the translator started with.