The handsome young man stumbled into a bar, asked the bartenderess for a double-entendre. So ...

It's good to know you're in good shape. But if they have to cut me open to get me the news, I think I'd rather not know. I gather they didn't leave anything important out of you before they stitched you back together.
 
I gather they didn't leave anything important out of you before they stitched you back together. Sear
Not that I have so far discovered. But the ability to "sink"few glasses still remains.
 
Two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin said: really hot in here.
The other muffin said: Holy Crow! A talking muffin!
 
Children's jokes? Keeping it clean Rampage? Alright. How about this?

Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they're two tired.
 
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they're two tired. titan

Having just removing myself from my bed, I switched on and read that.
Now I have to go back to the bathroom having suffered an easing of the Bladder.
Very good.
 
I'm not sure titan meant it that way. But W #25 more or less creates a new joke:

Q: What do new bicycles & old men have in common?
A: They're all too tired.


It's so brutal you have to laugh.
 
Sear, in truth I found titan's quote very funny and deep. It did while laughing, act upon my "aged" bladder, which meant that instead of sitting an "wetting myself" I made it to the toilet.
 
Tough luck for all those young bicycles. They'll never know either the comfort & relief of emptying the bladder, or the confidence inspiring joy of doing so standing up. Tough luck you young bikes!

Rampage, I liked the muffin one. Got another?
 
Q: When is a baseball stadium the coolest?
A: When it's full of fans.

Don't mind a <dirty> joke?

Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: To get to the bottom!
 
IMHO, we are seeing a rising growth of "some" who appear to be "Hearing" what others don't hear , and are on hearing " words or views of action to take" they gain the right, or view to "inflect" Laws or actions on others.
Now this could be due simply from the growing amount of "pollution in the World breathable Air of today" or may be it's their diet which is to blame. Thank the "Powers" (a non Religious view) I am reaching a age where (at least spirit wise) might be able understand. P.S. again I Duck.
 
"Among life's perpetually charming questions is whether the truly evil do more harm than the self-righteous and wrong." Jon Margolis
"... or may be it's their diet which is to blame." W
Let's put them all on a ham sandwich diet.

Couldn't hurt?

PS
I caught a report that the male on air presenters are not required to wear face cover, but have chosen to do so in solidarity w/ their female coworkers.
Perhaps also worth mentioning, such male solidarity may be heroic, but also potentially fatal.
 
Let's put them all on a ham sandwich diet. Sear
"God's Teeth" I have stopped near falling from chair (with laughter) your a brave being (Man). I think as to my fate if in a moment of Daring I dared say that outside "coded" Religious place.
As I have posted (may be a few years ago) I am in a sense a "Non Believer in any "coded" Man made Religion.
But and this I found while sorting out Papers.
In late October 1656, a group of Men and Women approached the gates of Bristol, singing "hosannas" (shouts of praise) before a Man on a Horse. He was imitating Christ's entrance into Jerusalem. -------------------The man was John (my birth name but not Wolf)" he was at the time leader of the Quaker movement and one time member of Cromwell's New Model Army. So who knows the blood and D.N.A. might still "rise now and again"
 
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It's a gargantuan difference between the physical, and the metaphysical W #34.

When a medieval seafarer finds an undiscovered island he can plant the flag and claim it in the name of his sponsoring sovereign.
Even if metaphysics works that way in practice, it shouldn't.

Bottom line:
when religionists define god, they define the god of their own religion, not necessarily the creator of the omniverse.

"Believe nothing,
No matter where you read it,
Or who has said it,
Not even if I have said it,
Unless it agrees with your own reason
And your own common sense." Buddha

The obstacle for those open to sincere inquiry is that history is clogged with examples of such religions, & their ostensible gods.
But it's a mistake to conflate chronology with veracity.

"... no man shall be blamed for reasoning in the maintenance of his own religion." Thomas More (1478 - July 6, 1535 @ age 57) NOTE: Canonized by the Roman Catholic church 1935; "Saint" More

"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), U.S. president. Letter, 10 Aug. 1787

"I am in a sense a "Non Believer in any "coded" Man made Religion." W #34
Among the problems strewn about by yesterday's hucksters, their raving may discourage our own constructive inquiry.
 
"God's teeth" Sear, reading your quotes, as I had the benefit of doing over many years, one wonder why you have not taken the Flag or Blade and formed a -----------.
However I am also made aware of a quote I have in the past used in my own face to face meetings with people when the need arose.
The World is made up of the following Percentages of it's population,
95% are inept, leaderless,
1% are Saints
1% are "rear end persons"
3% are leaders.
I rest my case.
 
I hadn't planned it when I awakened this AM. But it seems this has become Grace06 appreciation day. "I am a good judge of people, animals and politician's." Grace06

btw W #36
My collection of quotations was inspired by a schoolmate from the 1960's.
But instead of calligraphy on the bedroom wall, I keep them in a computer file, adding to the collection as I stumble across them. It's grown to quite a collection, partially explaining my own pseudo-education. Example:

“Well article 1 section 8 of the Constitution gives Congress the power to regulate interstate commerce. Beginning in the 1930's progressives used the commerce clause to claim that the government could do virtually anything it wished. It culminated in the case mentioned in the opening post to this thread, Wickard v. Filburn. In that case, Mr. Filburn had grown a few hundred bushels of wheat over his allotment in FDR's disastrous price fixing scheme. The wheat was entirely for Filburn's own consumption but the Supreme Court held that Filburn's fines were Constitutional because the wheat he grew for himself would otherwise have to be procured off of the open market and that affected interstate commerce.
After that there were practically no limits to the scope of government power.” Cincinnatus87

"You cant have a common currency without having a common economy -" pastor kidneys 19/09/12


Bottom line W #36, over the decades I've been inspired by many interesting, insightful comments from persons spanning the globe. I may not have the diploma. But I've gained a little wisdom from those that do.

"The next best thing to being clever is being able to quote someone who is." Mary Pettibone Poole
 
PS Mr. W

"Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to ones self-esteem." "Pride and vanity can thus be greater obstacle to learning than stupidity." psychiatrist Thomas Szasz

Looks like the good Dr. Szasz smacked me right between the eyes with this one. So I'm still a shallow male with a fragile ego, in recovery.

One of my more recent: I was exchanging views w/ Pastor Kidneys, and I used the word "anthropology", not a word in my every-day vocabulary. In fact, I sometimes deliberately sprinkle poly-syllabic terms in a post to promote the illusion of education.
Didn't work.
PK corrected me: - That's not "anthropology", it's "paleontology".
450351034111601b13de9b0f7bd36ff1ab17c47.gif
"Live & learn."
 
I am when the call comes and I search for suitable reply quote :-
I have seen things you people would not believe, attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orin, C beams glittering in the darkness of Ten hosen gate, all those moments lost in time, like Tears in the Rain etc,etc,
 
W #39
My Dad & I were both Sci-Fi fans. Not easy to compete with that. But here's a report about a NASCAR race car driver, might be worth a chuckle:

Clint Bowyer crossed the finish line upside down and on fire ...
https://twitter.com/nascarpaint/status/1458085335443853318?lang=en

I still like Formula #1. But trace NASCAR racing to its origins,
the originals were high performance cars used during Prohibition to out-run "revenuers", government agents. Prohibition ended. But the moonshiner's competitive spirit has not. Hello NASCAR.
 
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