Just a little humor

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!’
‘That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'
‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?’ ‘No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH ! Something whips by him going much faster!
‘What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'
The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"
 
Having a bad day? It could be worse.

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The ultimate travel mix-up has its own desk in Vienna airport, and it’s real.

Travel can be full of surprises, but some are more hilarious than others. At Vienna International Airport, there’s a dedicated “Australia Desk” for travellers who accidentally booked flights to Austria instead of Australia. Yes, you read that correctly.

Every year, dozens of passengers expecting sun-soaked beaches and kangaroos in Sydney or Melbourne find themselves in Vienna, the capital of Austria. Confused and sometimes panicked, these travellers often need help rearranging flights, booking new tickets, or just figuring out how to enjoy Europe by accident.

The airport, recognising this common mishap, created a special desk to assist with these “wrong continent” travellers. Staff at the desk help with directions, flight changes, and even offer a few tips to enjoy Austria while you’re there, from sampling schnitzel to exploring historic castles. It’s become a quirky part of Vienna Airport’s reputation, and many passengers share their amusing stories online, making it a small but famous travel anecdote.

This little desk is a reminder that travel doesn’t always go as planned, and sometimes a mistake can turn into an unexpected adventure. After all, while you might have wanted to surf the waves at Bondi Beach, Vienna’s coffee houses, palaces, and alpine landscapes might just give you a new story to tell.

Fun Fact:

Austria and Australia are often confused not just by travellers, but even in popular culture, thanks to their similar spelling. But at least in Vienna, there’s a solution for those who mix them up.
 
sear said:
Foreigners talk funny.
If they would stay home this wouldn't happen.
Click to expand...
And think about how many billions or tourist dollars the US would miss out on. And how many tourism workers would be on the unemployment line (we're already seeing a start of that because a lot of Canadians no longer want to visit the US).
 
Three men die and meet at the Pearly Gates and St Peter asks the first, a doctor, what he wants people to say about him at his funeral. “I want them to say I was a great doctor who helped people.” And then St Peter asks the second man, a great teacher, and he says, “I want them to say he helped children to learn and understand the world and be kind.” And then St Peter asks the third guy, a plumber, what he wants people to say about him at his funeral and he says, “I want them to say, Look! He’s moving!”.
 
Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face. Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?" "Well, Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... boobs out to here, Dave, boobs out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there crying over a beer. Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxing my boat, just waxing my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... built like a brick shithouse, I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat.
"So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her and said 'It's either screw or swim!!'. She pulled down her pants.... she had a weiner, Dave !!! She had a great BIG weiner!!! AND.........
Dave, I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
 
IRISH ALZHEIMER'S

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat
during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, he?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
 
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