Just a little humor

Lance Corporal Jenkins earned a reputation for stable emotion and sound judgement.
But outside the commander's office Jenkins received a letter from home.
So visibly shaken Jenkins leaned against the wall to help him remain on his feet.
The commander observed this and challenged: "Trouble Jenkins?"

It's a letter from my father commander. He sold the tractor.
It's a John Deere letter sir!
 
A man and his new bride are driving to the Poconos for their honeymoon and while they are nearing their destination they pass another couple obviously heading to the same place. The men exchange knowing raised eyebrows through the window while the women giggle.

When the first couple arrives, the husband carries his new bride over the threshold and throws her on the bed, tears off his clothes and jumps on top of her. As it happens, there is a window above the bed and while he is doing his thing, he looks out the window and to his surprise, he sees the other guy sitting in a chair on the dock with a fishing rod. He has his fishing hat on and he’s casting away. But the first guy has other things to do, so he ignores it and gets back to work on his wife.

Later that night he and his new wife go out to dinner and dancing and when they get back to their cabin, he throws her on the bed and jumps on top of her. And while he is doing his thing, he looks out the window and there he sees the other guy on the dock, a lantern next to his chair, a rod in his hand, fishing away.

And so it goes. For two weeks, the guy throws his wife on the bed and jumps on her and happens to look out the window and without fail, every single time, the other guy is out there on the dock with his fishing hat on, a cooler, and he is casting away.

After two weeks of this, the wife starts to pack up while the guy saunters over to the fishing pier where the other guy is still fishing way. They greet each other and the first guy reminds the fishermen that they passed each other in their cars two weeks earlier.

“You know, I don’t want to pry,” he says, “but me and the other guys are here on our honeymoons plowing our new wives but you’ve been fishing all week. What’s up with that.”

“Yeah,” the fisherman says, “I’d like to fuck my wife, but see, she has a bad case of gonorhea.”

The first man is taken aback. “

“Sorry to hear it,” he says ruefully, “but hey, couldn’t you just get a blowjob?
“Yeah, that would be great,” the fisherman says, “but she also has a bad case of pyorhea. You know, gum disease.”

“Bad luck!” the first guy says and, “it’s none of my business but couldn’t you, you know, have her take it up the ass?”

“That would be great,” the fisherman says, “but as it turns out, she also has a bad case of diarhea.”

“Man that’s cold,” the first guy says. “But after all, it’s your honeymoon - couldn’t you at least get a hand job?”

And the fisherman nods and says, “I would, but she also has a bad case of seborhea. You know, skin disease.”

“Man, that’s awful,” the first guy says. “But wait - your wife has gonnorhea, diarrhea, pyorhea and seborhea? Why the hell did you marry her?”

And the fisherman grins. “Because she also has a bad case of worms… and I love to fish!”
 
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It's a recognizable feature in relationships involving money.
Such exhibitions as you describe display enough expensive machinery to sustain ticket sales, BUT !
not so much expensive machinery to reduce $profit.

Employers pay just enough to keep workers from quitting, and
workers do just enough labor to keep from getting fired.

Customer satisfaction studies have been conducted for such attractions as a log flume ride. Reportedly ticket-buyers that participate
in such ride prefer to be splashed with water.
Shiftless2 said:
" (the amount of dust/dirt thrown up was insane).
And it was staged to the point of ridiculousness - one of the trucks lost a wheel right in front of us - funny that the local newspaper had reported on the show two days earlier and had reported the same thing." S2 #220
Click to expand...
Event sponsors may believe they'll sell more tickets if prior attendees needed a shower afterward.

"...Castro says that a half century of communist rule seemed like a good idea,
right up until the part where he was rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile." Conan O'Brian

PS Gallagher
 
sear said:
It's a recognizable feature in relationships involving money.
Such exhibitions as you describe display enough expensive machinery to sustain ticket sales, BUT !
not so much expensive machinery to reduce $profit.

Employers pay just enough to keep workers from quitting, and
workers do just enough labor to keep from getting fired.

Customer satisfaction studies have been conducted for such attractions as a log flume ride. Reportedly ticket-buyers that participate
in such ride prefer to be splashed with water.

Event sponsors may believe they'll sell more tickets if prior attendees needed a shower afterward.

"...Castro says that a half century of communist rule seemed like a good idea,
right up until the part where he was rushed to the hospital in a '55 Oldsmobile." Conan O'Brian

PS Gallagher
Click to expand...

I would prefer a 55 Oldmobile to some of the junk they sell now.
I replaced all 3 oxygen sensors, and it is still saying that there is an error in an O2 sensor heater.
 
A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way?
What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb!
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed:
"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit sitting on your lap."
 
THIS IS WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

3) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

4) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her.
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

5) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

5) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

6) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

7) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
 
Shiftless2 said:
View attachment 5878
Click to expand...

{...

Introduction: Understanding Xenia in Ancient Greek Society​

The concept of hospitality, known as xenia in ancient Greek culture, serves as one of the most significant and pervasive themes throughout Homer’s epic poem, The Odyssey. Xenia represents far more than simple politeness or courtesy; it constitutes a sacred social contract that bound both hosts and guests in a reciprocal relationship governed by divine law and protected by Zeus Xenios, the god of hospitality. This ancient Greek custom established specific obligations that both parties were expected to fulfill, creating a network of mutual respect and protection that transcended individual cities and kingdoms. In The Odyssey, Homer employs the theme of xenia as a moral barometer to distinguish between civilized and barbaric characters, illustrating how adherence to or violation of these sacred guest-host relationships directly influences the fate of both mortals and their communities (Tracy, 1990). The epic narrative demonstrates that proper hospitality reflects not merely social etiquette but fundamental human values including compassion, generosity, and respect for divine authority.
...}
https://academiaresearcher.com/the-theme-of-hospitality-xenia-in-homers-odyssey/
 
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