Just a little humor
- Thread starter Shiftless2
- Start date
CBS' The Late Show w/ Stephen Colbert reports China spent $12.6 $Billion on U.S. soybeans last year, and due to Trump's trade war,
China has spent $zero this year. "That is a huge hit for American farmers, it explains the updated jingle." Colbert
This predictably anti-Trump The Late Show host Stephen Colbert's term ends May 2026.
Bill Maher cites Trump's white house ballroom plan as evidence Trump does not intend his presidency to end after his second 4 year term is complete in early 2029.
We'll see ...
China has spent $zero this year. "That is a huge hit for American farmers, it explains the updated jingle." Colbert
This predictably anti-Trump The Late Show host Stephen Colbert's term ends May 2026.
Bill Maher cites Trump's white house ballroom plan as evidence Trump does not intend his presidency to end after his second 4 year term is complete in early 2029.
We'll see ...
Shiftless2
Well-known member
It's called "setting the stage"
As a point of information only 15 Presidents have used the insurrection act
135K views · 1.6K reactions | 😒🤨😒Once again Trump repeats the lie on tv in a FOX propaganda interview without Fox calling it out as a lie. Name the 50% of American Presidents and dates where the insurrection act was used. And why didn't she ask Trum
😒🤨😒Once again Trump repeats the lie on tv in a FOX propaganda interview without Fox calling it out as a lie. Name the 50% of American Presidents and dates where the insurrection act was used. And...
www.facebook.com
Shiftless2
Well-known member
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?""I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
" No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Maybe I should put this in the Global Warming thread?
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
So… we moved to North Dakota this fall. Everyone said summers are beautiful and winters are magical. We thought, “What a perfect place to live!”
Dec 8: First snow tonight the wife and I sat by the window with our drinks, watching the flakes drift down. Looked like a Christmas card. So peaceful. So romantic. I love snow!
Dec 9: Woke up to a winter wonderland. Shoveled the driveway for the first time in years felt like a kid again! Then the snowplow came and buried it all, so I shoveled again. Twice the fun! Life is perfect.
Dec 12: The snow melted.
Kinda sad, but the neighbor says not to worry — we’ll have more than we can handle soon. Can’t wait!
Dec 14: He wasn’t kidding. 8 inches last night, -20°, and the wind’s trying to kill me. But wow, it’s beautiful. Also… the snowplow buried the driveway again. I’m seeing a pattern here.
Dec 15: Forecast says 20 inches coming! Bought a 4x4, snow tires, extra shovels, and stocked the freezer. Wife wants a wood stove “just in case.” I told her we’re not in Alaska. (Famous last words.)
Dec 16: Ice storm. Slipped and fell on my ass spreading salt. Wife laughed for an hour. Love is cruel.
Dec 17: Power’s out. Freezing. Should’ve listened about that stove. But I’ll never admit it.
Dec 20: Another 14 inches overnight. Shoveled ALL DAY. Snowplow came… twice. Tried to hire a kid to help — they said they were “playing hockey.” Yeah, right.
Dec 22: 13 MORE inches. I’m starting to think this snow isn’t as “romantic” as I thought. Spent 45 minutes dressing to shovel, then realized I had to pee. Undressed, peed, redressed, and went back to bed.
Dec 23: Wife asked me to hang Christmas lights. What is she, insane?!
Dec 24: Broke my shovel. Had an out-of-body experience watching the snowplow go by again. I swear that guy waits around the corner until I’m done.
Dec 25:
Merry Freaking Christmas! 20 more inches. Snowed in. Watched *It’s a Wonderful Life* for the 47th time. I think I’m losing it.
Dec 27: Pipes froze. $4,400 later, they’re fixed. Still snowed in. Still married… somehow.
Dec 29: Neighbor Bob says I should shovel the roof before it caves in. Hahaha. Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Dec 30: Roof caved in.
Beat up the snowplow guy. Now he’s suing me. Wife left for her mother’s. Nine more inches coming.
Dec 31: Burned what was left of the house. No more shoveling.
Jan 8: Feeling great. Love these little white pills they give me here at the hospital.
...Why am I tied to the bed?
Moral of the story:
Be careful what you wish for!
Diary of a Snow Shoveler
So… we moved to North Dakota this fall. Everyone said summers are beautiful and winters are magical. We thought, “What a perfect place to live!”
Dec 8: First snow tonight the wife and I sat by the window with our drinks, watching the flakes drift down. Looked like a Christmas card. So peaceful. So romantic. I love snow!
Dec 9: Woke up to a winter wonderland. Shoveled the driveway for the first time in years felt like a kid again! Then the snowplow came and buried it all, so I shoveled again. Twice the fun! Life is perfect.
Dec 12: The snow melted.
Dec 14: He wasn’t kidding. 8 inches last night, -20°, and the wind’s trying to kill me. But wow, it’s beautiful. Also… the snowplow buried the driveway again. I’m seeing a pattern here.
Dec 15: Forecast says 20 inches coming! Bought a 4x4, snow tires, extra shovels, and stocked the freezer. Wife wants a wood stove “just in case.” I told her we’re not in Alaska. (Famous last words.)
Dec 16: Ice storm. Slipped and fell on my ass spreading salt. Wife laughed for an hour. Love is cruel.
Dec 17: Power’s out. Freezing. Should’ve listened about that stove. But I’ll never admit it.
Dec 20: Another 14 inches overnight. Shoveled ALL DAY. Snowplow came… twice. Tried to hire a kid to help — they said they were “playing hockey.” Yeah, right.
Dec 22: 13 MORE inches. I’m starting to think this snow isn’t as “romantic” as I thought. Spent 45 minutes dressing to shovel, then realized I had to pee. Undressed, peed, redressed, and went back to bed.
Dec 23: Wife asked me to hang Christmas lights. What is she, insane?!
Dec 24: Broke my shovel. Had an out-of-body experience watching the snowplow go by again. I swear that guy waits around the corner until I’m done.
Dec 25:
Dec 27: Pipes froze. $4,400 later, they’re fixed. Still snowed in. Still married… somehow.
Dec 29: Neighbor Bob says I should shovel the roof before it caves in. Hahaha. Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Dec 30: Roof caved in.
Dec 31: Burned what was left of the house. No more shoveling.
Jan 8: Feeling great. Love these little white pills they give me here at the hospital.
...Why am I tied to the bed?
Moral of the story:
