Just a little humor

A woman walks into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her son’s birthday. She isn’t sure which one to get, so she randomly grabs a set and takes it to the counter.

The clerk, standing there in dark glasses, seems to be blind. She says, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me about this rod and reel?”

He responds, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind, but if you drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything about it just by the sound it makes.”

Skeptical, she drops it on the counter.

He listens for a moment and then says, “That’s a 6-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line. A great all-around combo, and it’s on sale this week for $20.”

Amazed, she says, “That’s incredible! I’ll take it!”

As she opens her purse to get her credit card, it slips out of her hand and falls to the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard,” the clerk says.

She bends down to pick up the card, and in the process, accidentally lets out a little fart. Mortified, she realizes he’s blind and figures there’s no way he could know it was her.

The man finishes ringing up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50, please.”

Confused, she asks, “Wait, didn’t you say the rod and reel were $20? How did you get $34.50?”

He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel are $20, but the Duck Call is $11, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”

She paid the bill and left without another word.
 
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Just the facts ma'am. Just the facts.
#765
Benefit of doubt, she seems genuinely upset. BUT !!
It's not like a perve glimpsed her through a knot-hole in the dressing room. Instead
a perve kept her bottle of wine. So she only has one?

"What are they teaching in college?" #766
They're called "curricula". You don't have to know that.
But there's a superficial appearance you're on the cusp of making a cause-&-effect discovery, a direct link between education, a more disciplined better informed mind,
and the quality of the decisions it makes.
"Most people, sometime in their lives, stumble across truth. Most jump up, brush themselves off, and hurry on about their business as if nothing had happened." Sir Winston Churchill
- voila -
Almost a color coordinated MAGA ensemble (if red and orange were the same color).
 
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight).
They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte !!
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
Jay Leno's comment..... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'
Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
 
There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke with a fright
In the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true.


'Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of 𝝅 to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
 
Have to admit that I memorized a few more digits than that 3.14159265 when I was in grade school - meant that I had enough precision for pretty much every calculation I had to do all the way thru university physics.
 
"I memorized a few more digits than that 3.14159265 when I was in grade school -" S2 #771
My ~9th grade math teacher had us use the fraction 22/7 instead of 3.14
The "four banger", the simple add / subtract / multiply / divide pocket calculator didn't hit the market until I was ~20.
By now I gather many calculators have a Pi key.

Pie are round. 🥧

A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.


- good -
 
The "four banger", the simple add / subtract / multiply / divide pocket calculator didn't hit the market until I was ~20.
Speaking from memory when those first became available they cost about $50.

More advanced scientific calculators didn't become available until I was in grad school and the engineers who bought them were paying $300 to $500 for them.

The one that I used all thru my actuarial exams cost less than $20 and was significantly more powerful than the ones those engineers were using.
 
I bought my first (and only) slide rule when I was in grade 7 - forget what it cost but it was only a few dollars at the grocery store. Taught myself to use it and that cheapo lasted me all thru university (and we had lectures on how to use one). Admittedly the last classes I took that needed a slide rule were a couple of second year physics courses.
 
“After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, ‘Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.’

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.”
 
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
Picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
 
A thermodynamic contradiction of social superiority: hot chicks are cool ! Let's hope gramps split the $10k savings w/ leggy.
 
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