Just a little humor

"Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you so much for trying to educate people regarding god's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.
When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:12 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
But I need some advice from you, regarding some of the other specific laws and how best to follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the lord (Leviticus 1:9), the problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should Ideal with this?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery as suggested by Exodus 21:7. What do you think a fair price would be?
I know I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Leviticus 19:24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking. But some women take offense.
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I obliged morally to kill him myself, or may I hire a hit-man?

I know you have studied these things extensively, and so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that god's word is eternal, & unchanging."

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "'All of You bastards who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get on now, 'cos we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue,
"For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added..........
"For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the Fat Controller in the kitchen."