Just a little humor
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Shiftless2
Well-known member
My inner grammar nerd can't ignore this
"Grammar", grampar, everyone enjoys it equally, except aunt chovy.
A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.
'I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.
'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'
'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.
'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.
'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He had to climb out three different times to take an ultra-mega sudsy whizz.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Anyone remember these?
I was born '54. Back then the nickel, the five cent coin was the candy standard. It was the cost of a chocolate bar, and a small cardboard box of ~8 or 10 (don't remember) Chiclets chewing gum.
The chewing gum standard was Wrigley's, a package of 5 sticks for a nickel. BUT !
For bubble gum, Bazooka had about cornered the market. It was sold in small pink bars with a longitudinal score on each side, wrapped in wax paper, and included a comic plus a fortune, like that depicted in #824.
The character with the red turtleneck pulled up to or over nose always puzzled me, to this day.
I'm skeptical about whether chewing gum has contributed much to society. But ...
Shiftless2
Well-known member
And it was common practice that once you've read the comic you tore it up to be sure that nobody else found it and read it - after all, it was yours and nobody else's.
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
An oldie but still worth a chuckle
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Johnson by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting accustomed to sleeping in late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then, we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Johnson by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting accustomed to sleeping in late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then, we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Amen Bugs &
Thank You S2 !
Charming straddle Bugs.
"Experience" suggests the objective.
"Thrill" is rather more subjective. To oversimplify for purpose of illustration: one man's thrill is another man's bore.
What kind of life do YOU want to live?
- Dour? Critical? Punitive? Recriminatory?
- O R -
- Constructive, inspired, joyous, celebratory?
It's your life.
It's your choice. It's absolutely a glass half-empty vs glass half-full fork in YOUR path of life. Which do YOU choose to take?
Bugs demonstrates here, he's smart enough to choose wisely.
Are you?
Thank You S2 !
[still not wearing pants, eh Bugs?]
Charming straddle Bugs.
"Experience" suggests the objective.
"Thrill" is rather more subjective. To oversimplify for purpose of illustration: one man's thrill is another man's bore.
What kind of life do YOU want to live?
- Dour? Critical? Punitive? Recriminatory?
- O R -
- Constructive, inspired, joyous, celebratory?
It's your life.
It's your choice. It's absolutely a glass half-empty vs glass half-full fork in YOUR path of life. Which do YOU choose to take?
Bugs demonstrates here, he's smart enough to choose wisely.
Are you?
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Sounds fishy to me
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted".
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old chums simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin gradually realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again".
Kristian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner".
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..."
"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian"
Two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One called Justin and the other called Kristian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted".
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old chums simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin gradually realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again".
Kristian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner".
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed..."
"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian"
Shiftless2
Well-known member
Shiftless2
Well-known member
I pass by this ancient mailbox every day on my walks. The old rusty box is nailed to an oak that has to be 150 years old. After 6 years of passing it by I decided to open the box to see if anything was inside. After all, there isn’t even a house nearby to which it could possibly serve anyway. Any home it serviced was long ago torn down I’m sure. I noticed an ancient letter inside as you can see in picture #2. I looked at the post mark date and it said July 7, 1903. Due to age and moisture the addressee on the envelope was not readable, so I opened up the envelope hoping to find some local history and a good story I could share with you. Here is what the letter inside said. “We at Carriage Shield hate to be the bearer of bad news Mr Mallard but the warranty on your buggy has expired. Please take a few minutes to sign up for our 2-horse plan and never worry about those expensive wheel and horseshoe repairs again.”
